I ponder far too often what has brought me to this place,
I find myself in endless loop, alone while questions race.
I do not understand my purpose. Why do I exist?
How did I come to be? What is the lesson in all this?
I watch the insignificance of daily life unfurl,
Forsaken to the sidelines, looking in upon the world.
I see the plastic people move about their daily lives,
Their motions seem mechanical, their actions feel contrived.
I find I try to blend into this awkward mortal realm,
Performing for an audience … my senses overwhelm;
Synthetic shell in turmoil – face is painted, smiling bright,
While hiding my frustrations as I slowly lose the fight.
An emptiness has followed me relentlessly it seems,
A void that swallows all my passion … all my hopes and dreams;
It’s heaviness unyielding, builds restrictions and confines,
To keep me in this self-inflicted prison of my mind.
Surrounded by my chaos, isolated by my fears,
The questions haunt my peace of mind, dissolving me to tears.
I wonder if it’s only me … a flaw in my design,
Unable to enjoy the simple pleasures others find.
Incapable of breaking free, suppressing what I can,
I play the part of someone else … I smother who I am;
I’m stifled by the walls I’ve built, and slowly suffocate …
Please tell me … is this all there is? Is this to be my fate?